


Branded

by conceptstage



Series: Multi-Chapter Critical Role [7]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22650952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conceptstage/pseuds/conceptstage
Summary: Beau has a Mark and, with it, a soulmate. But to escape her parent's iron fists and find this soulmate she'll need to do something drastic.*Now multi chaptered*
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha, Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett, Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett/Yasha, Jester Lavorre/Yasha
Series: Multi-Chapter Critical Role [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1436665
Comments: 30
Kudos: 437





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes Beau thinks her Mark is the only reason that her parents kept her when she was born. Marks were rare and highly coveted, particularly among those looking to climb the social ladder. Having a child with a Soulmate Mark meant that you got to parade them around to all the nobility and elites whose children also had Marks and, even if they weren’t a match, there were many connections and business deals to be made. She may have been a disappointment in literally every other regard but she had a Mark so maybe that could make up for it a little bit.

From the time she could walk she was dressed up in fine dresses and her mother would invite all manner of nobility and social elite to their house to compare their children’s Marks.

Her mother would make her stand in front of a room full of strangers and pull down the front of her dress to show off the deep, blood red Mark stamped on her collarbone. Beau had seen a lot of Marks over the years and she always thought that hers was the prettiest. There were dark boxy ones, all hard lines and straight edges, there were bright white ones made of overlapping circles, but she had the only red one that she’d ever seen. It was big, bigger than it really should have been honestly, shaped vaguely like a heart if you squinted at it but it was mostly free flowing lines that twirled and curled over each other.

She knew, subconsciously maybe, that they were looking for a Mark that matched hers but no one ever told her what it meant. No one ever told her who this matching Mark would be to her. She didn’t know that she had a soulmate somewhere in the world until she was eight and read it in a storybook.

“Mommy,” she called, banging on the door to her mother’s room. “Mommy!”

There was a groan from the other side and the door opened a moment later. “What,” her mother asked, looking put out. “What is it, Darling, Mommy’s busy.”

Beau held up the book and waved it around until her mother sighed and took it from her hand. “Is it true? I have a soulmate?”

Her mother chuckled and gave her a kind smile, bending down to look her in the eye. “Is that what this is about? Of course you have a soulmate, that’s what all these parties have been about, we’re trying to find him for you. Then, when you’re older, you can get married to him and live happily ever after. Who knows, maybe he’s a prince, maybe he’s heir to a vast wealth. Wouldn’t that be lovely?”

Beau thought about that for a moment frowned. “But what if my soulmate isn’t either of those things? What if he’s poor? What if he’s not even human, Mommy?”

Her mother gave her that look that Beau knew meant she thought that Beau was kidding. “Then we’ll find you another suitable husband, Darling. Don’t worry.”

Beau felt rage start to fill her. “What? No, Mommy, no! I don’t want a suitable husband, I want my soulmate!”

Her mother sighed and moved to stand, calling down the hall. “Eugenia, could you come gather Beauregard? She’s throwing another tantram!” She shut the door.

Beau was fourteen when she made up her mind. She was in her room, staring out the window as the carriages arrived through the gate. It would be less than an hour now until she was expected downstairs to greet their guests. The fourth party of the year and her mother was running out of Marked suitors. Before long she’d be giving up on finding a Match and would be trying to sell Beau off to the highest bidder with a suitable son.

Beau looked over her shoulder at the fireplace across the room and the iron poker that was sitting in the fire and turning bright with heat. She took a deep breath and pushed off the wall, walking towards the fireplace. She picked up the wooden end of the poker and it was softly warm against her palm but she could feel the heat pouring off the pointed end. She took a deep breath and looked down at the Mark on her collarbone again. For the last time.

“I belong to me,” she whispered, running the tips of her fingers over it. “I’ll find you, with or without this thing,” she promised the woman on the other side of the Mark, because she had known for at least the last year that the person waiting for her was going to be a woman. “I’ll find you but to do that I need to be free of this. I belong to me. I belong to-”

She pressed the flat of the hot end of the poker to the Mark before she could talk herself out of it. She knew that she screamed because a few weeks later, one of the shopkeepers in town said he had heard her from his house, but she didn’t remember screaming.

Her mother spent the next several months trying to find a cleric or doctor or witch who could heal the Mark. The clerics healed the burn as best they could. She spent all of those first few days with their family priest of Erathis and he would dump as much healing magic as he could into her. By the time he was done, the deep burn looked like it was a decade old but it was still a burn scar. The Mark that had once been there had become an unrecognizable red blob on her skin.

When the priest told her parents that the Mark would never go back to the way it had been and that they would never be able to prove a viable Match with it, Beau smiled. That was the first time her father hit her.

She was pretty sure that that had been the breaking point, for both her and for her father. She’d dropped everything that they had tried to force her to be and rebelled with everything she had. And her father responded in kind, installing new and tougher measures to keep her in line. He hired a couple mages to come in and cast spell after spell around her room to keep her trapped inside after dark but it had only taken her one afternoon to figure out a way around them. He tried buying an amulet that would track her movements but she just lead the man he’d hired to drag her back home on a wild goose chase around the entire town all night.

She was pretty sure that he used her stealing of the wine as an excuse. He’d been planning this for a long time and all he needed was a reason.

There was a cleric in the carriage when they pushed her inside and shut the door. He was a kindly older man in blue robes, similar to those that the monks who’d dragged her here had been wearing but a different style for a different profession.

“Welcome, Sister,” he said. “I know it’s confusing now but everything will be better once we get to the Reserve. Come, let me heal your bruises.” Beau didn’t move but she also didn’t stop him when he reached over to touch her face. “They got you good on the cheek here. Does it hurt?”

Beau shrugged. “It wasn’t the monks who did that one.”

Understanding dawned on his face but he set about healing the worst of her wounds. When he finished he gave her a reassuring smile. “You’ve had a lonely life, child. But I hope you’ll find a home at Cobalt. Maybe even a family.”

Beau sighed. “No offence, buddy, but I’ve had a family and I ain’t too fucking impressed. I’m my own home now. I don’t need anyone else and I sure as fuck don’t need Cobalt.”

He gently moved away the collar of her cotton shirt to heal a bruise that disappeared underneath but paused when he saw the top of her burn scar. He looked up to meet her eyes and she didn’t stop him when he started pulling it down little by little until he could see almost half of the scar. He hummed thoughtfully and let the shirt go so that it bounced back to cover it once more. “But maybe we will need you. Did you do that yourself?”

Beau nodded and rubbed her scar through the shirt. Sometimes she dreamed of the woman with her Match. She’d be beautiful and kind and loving and funny and free as the wind. But then she’d remember that she had no proof. She’d burned her only proof away. Would her Match believe her? Would she be able to look at the burned remains of Beau’s Mark and imagine that it used to look like her own? Or would she send her away and keep waiting for a Matching Mark that would never come? Maybe her Match would believe her but would be angry that she’d taken their destiny into her own hands and burned it away. Maybe she’d find her and lose her all in one day. She hoped her soulmate would be able to understand. She had to believe that there was at least one person out in the world who would understand.

“I belong to me. My life is mine and no one else’s.”

She’d said it partially to remind herself but he smiled at her anyway. “Yes, child, it certainly is. And I, for one, cannot wait to see what you do with it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add some more. Sorry.

Jester, Beau discovered the second she stepped out of the changing room and into the searing hot, steaming bathroom where the rest of her team were already climbing into the water and relaxing against the hot stone sides, had a deep red Mark on the small of her back.

Beau froze in the doorway the moment her eyes made contact with it. Jester stood outside the giant bath and was showing her Mark off to the others. “Isn’t it just so pretty? I’ve heard so much about black ones and blue ones and white ones and even a few yellow but I’ve never, never heard of another red one! My Momma always said that it meant that my soulmate and I were very special. She never heard of red ones either so I don’t know how much of that was totally true but it was always my favorite story.”

She spun around and Beau instinctively slapped her hand over where her mark was as if to hide it, but she was still wearing her cotton tank top and spare underwear. It wasn’t the nudeness that bothered her, she’d been nude at Cobalt in front of her fellow monks hundreds of times. She didn’t like the idea of showing them her burned Mark so early and having to explain it but now she was even more glad that she’d kept it covered up. Jester didn’t even look at her or notice that she was still standing in the doorway and just grinned down at the others while she climbed into the water beside them. 

“It was very pretty, Jes,” Fjord said, giving her a friendly smile. “It looked a little like a heart, yeah?”

Jester blushed a little and Beau felt sick to her stomach. “Do, uh, do you have a Mark Fjord?” Jester asked, about a subtle as a Nergaliid crashing through a circus tent.

Fjord blushed as well and cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “I- No. No, I wasn’t lucky enough for that. I guess I’ll have to find love the old-fashioned way. I wish you all the luck finding your Match, though. I’m sure he’ll have to be one hell of a guy to Match with you.”

Jester looked a little disappointed but not for long. “Oh well, I guess I still have to keep looking.”

Beau turned away, still with her hand tight in her shirt over her scar and nearly ran into Caleb as he stepped out of the changing room behind her. He frowned but stepped out of her way. “Are you alright, Beauregard? You look green.”

Beau opened her mouth to speak but all that came out was a gasp for breath and she pushed her way passed him and back into the changing room. She crouched down in the corner and tried to catch her breath but it felt like nothing was reaching her lungs at all. Someone put a hand on her back and she knocked it away. “Don’t fucking touch me!” she wheezed.

Caleb put his hand back though and kneeled beside her. “I am here. What do you need?”

Beau shook her head and tried weakly to knock his hand away but she missed entirely as her vision started to swim. “I need to breathe,” she gasped. “I can’t breathe.”

Caleb’s hand was solid against her back. “1,” he started counting slowly. “Breathe with me, Beauregard. 3… 5… 7… 9…” He breathed out one last time on what would have been ten and Beau fell out of her crouch and onto her knees. “Again,” he said, not kindly but not forcefully either, just matter-of-fact and calm. “1… 3… 5… 7… 9…”

Beau’s breath was still shaking but she could feel air filling her lungs again. She kept her eyes shut though, deciding to ignore the situation for now. When the pounding in her head had slowed to a dull heartbeat in the temples, she cleared her throat and gently moved his hand off her back. “I… Thanks. I don’t know what happened.” She finally opened her eyes and sat up straight on her knees. “How did you know…”

His face didn’t reveal much but his eyes were sad. “I have them too.”

Beau nodded and moved to stand, holding onto the wall to keep her balance. “Then I guess I’ll return the favor someday.” She marched over to the corner where she’d piled her clothes. “I’m going back to the inn. Tell the others whatever you want.”

When Jester came back to the room they were sharing she told Beau that Caleb had told them all that Beau was allergic to water and that’s why she couldn’t join them in the bath. She was going to have to work with that man on his excuses.

Yasha, Beau discovered a few weeks later when Yasha found them again, had a deep red Mark on her strong, toned stomach centered over her navel. They’d been talking about Marks and Jester had shown hers off to everyone again. Beau had seen it three times now and it made her heart stop each time without fail. And then Yasha stood up out of her chair and pulled up her shirt until it was bunched under her breasts.

“I have one too,” Yasha said, a little confused like she wasn’t sure what was going on. “Are they very common over here?”

Everyone stared at Yasha’s Mark and then turned sharply to Jester, whose eyes were getting wide and teary. She looked up to meet Yasha’s eyes and started slowly crossing the floor to stand in front of her. “You’re my Match,” she whispered, sniffling. Beau thought she was going to be sick, looking between the two marks that looked like her own used to.

Yasha frowned and put her shirt back down. “I-I’m sorry. I’ll put it away, don’t cry.”

Jester shook her head and brushed her fingers over Yasha’s shirt, right above where her Mark was hidden. “No, I’m so happy. I’ve wanted to find you forever and ever and now you’re here.”

Yasha’s face softened. “I… I’m glad I haven’t upset you. But I guess I’m not sure what it means? I’ve had it all my life but no one in my tribe had seen one before.”

Beau wasn’t sure what noise she made but based on the look that Fjord gave her it must have been a fucked up one. “You alright?” he asked quietly, though he didn’t seem like he wanted to take his eyes off the scene in front of him. Beau understood that. It was hard to look away.

Beau cleared her throat and forced herself to turn her eyes away. “I need a drink and I think the newly Matched couple is gonna need a drink. You want anything?”

“Sure, if you’re going.” But he was still giving her a concerned frown.

Beau got out of her chair as quietly as she could to keep from gaining attention and hurried over to the bar, through all the people who had turned to watch. He had to smack the counter to get the bartender to look at her. “Hey! Can I get a drink?”

The bartender nodded, still glancing over at Jester and Yasha talking quietly across the room. Marks were a spectacle, for sure. “What can I get for ya?”

“I want to forget my name, whatcha got?”

He frowned, suddenly all his attention on her. “Uh, I got some dwarven ale from-”

“Stronger. I’m going through some shit, man.”

He pointed to a large, lone bottle at the end of the shelf. “I’ve got some orc whiskey.”

“Perfect. How much for the bottle?”

The bartender poured her a few fingers of whiskey and left the bottle beside her and she downed it without hesitation. It burned down her throat and in her stomach but she coughed and started pouring herself some more.

This wasn’t possible. It’s not possible, right? Each Mark had one Match there had never been three, right? Maybe she was misremembering her own Mark. Maybe it was just similar to Jester’s and Yasha’s but it wasn’t a true Match. It had been ten years since she’d last seen it whole, it was possible that she wasn’t remembering it clearly. But no. No, the sight of her Mark was seared into her brain, she would never forget it.

Fjord cleared his throat as he stepped up to her side. “You alright?” He eyed the whiskey wearily.

Beau downed some more. “I have a Mark,” she hissed through the burn.

Fjord’s eyes widened. “Wh-What? Where? Why do I not know this about you?”

Beau shook her head. “I don’t show anyone, I’m not-” she sighed as the burn started to fade. “Forget it. I’m not trying to make this about me. I’m happy for them. I’m glad they found each other.”

Fjord looked back at the group as Yasha and Jester disappeared up the stairs for a bit of privacy. “You’ll find yours too,” Fjord tried to assure her. “Maybe it’ll just take longer.”

Beau shook her head. “Nope. My Mark is fucked.” She pulled down her shirt just enough to show the top of her burn without showing him any of the remains of her Mark. 

His eyes widened and he stood up straight in alarm. “What the fuck? Who did that to you?”

Beau shrugged and poured herself some more whiskey. “I did. I had to. My parents…” She sighed. “My parents were using it to control me. I had to get rid of it.” She laughed sadly. “And now I never get to have that. I’m going to be alone forever.”

“Beau,” Fjord said quietly. “There are a thousand different ways to find love, Marks are just one of them. I don’t even have a soulmate and I believe I’ll find it someday. Besides, if you and this person are actually meant to love each other, a fucked up Mark shouldn’t be enough to get in the way, right?”

“You’d think, right? Each Mark is supposed to have one Match and she should be waiting for her Match to show up, right? She should be looking for me, right?”

“Yeah, actually. Why do you sound so weird about that? She knows you’re coming, doesn’t she?”

Beau shook her head and tipped the glass back to drink some more. She was getting to the point where she couldn’t feel her brain which was perfect in her opinion. “Good talk, man,” she said, patting his shoulder. “I’m gonna go… I don’t know, cry or some shit. Thanks.” She stumbled away to an empty booth in the corner and she felt Fjord’s eyes on her the whole way.


	3. Chapter 3

“Yasha! Yasha!” Jester screamed, fighting against Fjord’s hold. The stone door thundered shut and Nott locked it with the dagger.

Beau kneeled in front of her. “Hey, hey, Jes, look at me. We’re going to save her, alright? We’re going to get her back but we need to run for now. Alright?”

“I’m not leaving her! I’m not leaving-”

Beau reached forward and took Jester’s face gently in her hands. “Hey. She is your Match, you will be together again, okay? I promise, that’s how this shit works. But we have to go for now.”

Jester sobbed and tore herself out of Fjord’s hold to collapse into Beau’s arms and bury her face in the side of her neck. She nodded and sobbed wetly against Beau’s skin. Beau gently lifted her up to her feet and nodded to the others.

Jester sniffled and pulled away. “Thank you, Beau,” she whispered.

“No problem. We have to run now.” There was suddenly a loud, cacophonous bang from the stone door that reverberated around the room. “Go, go!” Jester didn’t hesitate this time, taking Beau’s hand and running with her as fast as possible through the tomb.

When they finally reached Bazozan, everyone gathered around Jester in the rented room above the shop, speaking quietly about their plans. Nott curled up against her side and Fjord sat beside her with his arm over her shoulder and Caleb was gently touching her elbow to comfort her.

Beau stepped away first, muttering something about needing air, and walked out into the night. She leaned against the side of the store, trying to calm the furious beating of her heart and hold back to tears that were burning in the corners of her eyes.

She had just lost her Match tonight and she couldn’t even tell anyone. No one was going to comfort her when it felt like her heart was breaking and it was her own fault. She reached down the front of her shirt to touch the burnt edges of her Mark and she let out a shaking breath. All that she wanted right now was to lay in Jester’s arms and comfort her and kiss her hair and tell her that everything was going to be okay, that they would be whole again soon, but she couldn’t do that. 

It wasn’t her place.

There wasn’t a place for her with them.

“Beau?”

Beau jumped and cursed. “Fuck! Shit, Caduceus, you scared the shit out of me.”

He gave her a kind smile and stepped out of the door to stand beside her. “Are you alright?”

Beau realized her face was wet and scrubbed at her cheeks. “Fine.”

He looked down at her hand that was down in her shirt and smiled. “Ah! That reminds me.” She reached into the medicine pouch at his side and took out a small green jar with some kind of jelly inside. “I made this for you. For your burn scar.”

Beau frowned in shock. “M-My… You know about my scar?”

He paused. “Oh, were you trying to hide it? I’m sorry.”

Beau reached out with a shaking hand to take the jar. “What is this? What does it do?”

“It will help clear up your scar. I made some for Caleb, also, I can give it to him in the morning.”

“Clear it up how? If magic couldn’t fix it what makes you think this will?”

“Well, it won’t make it entirely smooth skin again. It will clear up any discoloration after a few weeks of using this everyday and help the skin return to its natural tone.”

Beau stared at it for a moment then thrust it back towards him. “I don’t want it. Thank you but… But it won’t help me.”

Caduceus reached out and gently pushed it back towards her. “Hold onto it. You don’t have to use it but you should have the option.”

She hesitated, then nodded and sat it in her lap. “Well… thanks.” She sighed. “How… How is she doing? Jester?”

“As well as one might expect after losing a soulmate. She was asking for you. That’s why I came out here originally and then I got sidetracked I suppose.”

Beau sighed. “She doesn’t need me.”

“I think that you are exactly the one she needs right now.”

Beau frowned and glanced up at him from under her eyelashes, reluctant to meet his perceptive gaze. “How much do you know about me? Really? Because you seem like you know more than I’ve told you and I don’t like that.”

“Oh, I assure you that I know quite a lot less than I seem. I’ve found that being vague tends to make up for a lack of knowledge.”

Beau snorted and shook her head before huffing and pushing herself to her feet. “Fair enough.” She looked at the jar in her hand and thought about slipping it back into his pouch but she sighed and stepped inside with it instead. She made her way upstairs and sat it beside her bag before moving towards the bed where Jester was in a Mighty Nein cocoon. She glanced up when Beau got near and pushed herself out from under Fjord and made grabby hands towards Beau.

“Beau!” she whined.

Beau gave her a small smile and stepped into her arms so that Jester could pull her in and hug her tightly like she was trying to absorb her. Beau sighed, nodding to the others as they moved away to go to sleep in their bedrolls and started running her fingers up and down Jester’s spine. “Hey, I’m here. I’m here.” She hadn’t expected this hug to help her as much as it seemed to help Jester. Every tense muscle in Jester’s shoulders relaxed. Beau felt lighter than she’d felt in years, like she and Jester were melting together. She didn’t even remember falling asleep.

“What?! Wai- What?! Wha- You- Three more! Three more shots!”

Beau sighed and nodded. “Three more each!” she agreed.

“You’re a Match to Jester and Yasha?”

“Shhh, shut up. Don’t say it so fucking loud.”

“Why… Why haven’t you told them? When Yeza and I found out we were Matches you couldn’t keep us apart.” She thoughtlessly reached back to the back of her neck where her Mark was.

Beau licked her lips and glanced over her shoulders to make sure that no one was looking before pulling up the bottom of her crop top to show the dark scar between her breasts. “My mark is gone. I burned it away.”

Nott’s mouth dropped and she reached out with shaking fingers like she meant to touch it and Beau quickly pulled her shirt back down. Nott blinked like she was surprised by her own movements and took her hand back. “Sorry. Wha-What are you going to do?”

Nott was the first person to ask her that. Everyone else wanted to know what had happened to make her do that to herself but she supposed it made sense that Nott’s first concern was with the future.

“I… Nothing. They have each other, or at least they will when we save Yasha. They don’t need me.”

Nott frowned. “I don’t believe that. Even if they have found each other they have to know that something is missing. I feel that way about Yeza. When he’s not with me, I feel like…. Like part of my body is gone but I can still feel it. And they have to feel that too, right? You feel that, right?”

Honestly, Beau wasn’t sure if that’s what she felt. She’d never felt anything else, she didn’t have anything to compare it to. “I’m fine,” she said instead. She downed all three shots when they were sat down in front of her.

She really didn’t blame Nott for the dubious look she gave her. “What about them? Even if you’re fine they still feel that way for you.”

“We don’t know that. I’ve never heard of a three-way Match before, I even looked it up in the Reserve and there was nothing. Maybe they’re complete with each other. Maybe they don’t even need me. Maybe I’m just… the spare. Again.” She sniffled and looked away.

“Beau…”

“You know what, forget it. We’ve got a big day tomorrow, I’m going to go to sleep.” She felt Nott’s eyes on her until she disappeared into the room they were sharing.

Seeing Yasha was like a stab to the heart every time but this time was more literal. 

There was no recognition in her eyes, no care, not even for Jester.

Beau thought that the lack of ‘Yasha’ in Yasha’s eyes hurt more than the sword through her chest, then Yasha turned it and she realized, yeah no, the sword was worse. Blood gathered and bubbled in her throat as she tried to breathe and reached up to grab the blade in her weak fingers.

“Beau! Yasha!” Jester’s voice called out as her vision started to go dark around the edges. There was a moment, just a single second, when she thought that there was pain and despair on Yasha’s face. Whatever it was, maybe emotion maybe just gas, Beau only saw it for a fraction of a second before her vision went back.

She gasped awake. It felt like it had been seconds since she’d gone down but the entire battle field was different. And Jester was sitting straddled on her chest, she was certain she would have remembered that. She glanced over to the movement in the corner of her eye and saw Yasha, kneeling several feet away and breathing deeply, covered in multi-color shards of glass. 

She got through the rest of the fight on auto-pilot. By the end, huddling in the stairwell in the dark, she barely even remembered standing. As her vision started to clear Yasha stepped up in front of her. 

She thought she’d be mad. 

But she wasn’t.

She was just relieved.

She didn’t move when Yasha reached up to her collarbone without a word and sighed as the healing washed over her. It felt so natural to have Yasha’s hand pressed against her Mark that she barely even registered it when Yasha’s careful fingers moved away the scraps of her shirt that had been severed by her sword to reach the wound she’d created.

“Beau…” Yasha mumbled, so quiet that Beau barely even heard her. When Beau glanced up into her eyes, she realized exactly what Yasha was seeing and knocked her hand away, covering her Mark with her hand and shaking her head. Yasha just watched her with confusion in her eyes.

“I’m not ready,” Beau whispered. “I’m not- I’m not ready. Please.”

Yasha nodded solidly. “Of course. I… I am-”

“Yasha?” called Jester from behind her. Yasha turned quickly and smiled down at her before sweeping in to kiss her forehead. Jester grinned and wrapped herself around Yasha like she planned to never let go. “I missed you so much.”

“I know,” Yasha whispered, laying her cheek on Jester’s head. “I am so sorry.”

Beau cleared her throat and tried to hold the pieces of her shirt together to cover up the Mark. “Uh, hey Jessie? Could I get a quick mending spell so I don’t flash Obann? The Cadogiest I wouldn’t mind flashing but-”

Jester giggled and looked at her around Yasha’s body, waving her hand towards Beau without letting go of Yasha’s hug. The shirt sealed back together without issue. “I’m sure we wouldn’t have minded Beau.”

“I would’ve minded,” Fjord interjected.

Jester frowned and glanced over her shoulder. “What, you don’t think Beau's got great boobs?”

“I’m not answering that because I value my life. Are we ready? There’s still a cult leader we need to kill.”

Jester turned back to Beau with a playful smirk. “Well, I think your boobs are great, Beau.”

Beau’s face felt hot and she nodded. “Well, thanks. Y-You too.” She cleared her throat. “Are we going then?”

She tried to ignore the feeling of Yasha’s eyes on her on the way down the stairs but her gaze was like a hot kiss against her skin.


	4. Chapter 4

The night after seeing her father for the first time in three years, she went to sleep on the cot alone and woke up when Yasha lifted her and brought her over to the bedrolls where she was sleeping with Jester to lay between them. She thought about complaining but she couldn’t find her voice and just pressed into Yasha’s chest with Jester curled around her back.

“And you- you offered to g-go away and live a life of solitude to get this curse off of me. That was… That was…” Beau tensed as Nott spoke, all of a sudden feeling the weight of attention fall on her again. She tried to avoid looking at Jester on Nott’s right. She didn’t want to see what was in Jester’s eyes right now. “That was incredibly brave.”

“And very not okay!” Jester insisted and it took all of Beau’s self control not to follow her voice.

“I mean, it was amazing!”

“No,” Fjord interrupted and Beau felt his disapproval like something heavy on her shoulders. “No, I don’t think it was.”

“I disagree with that entirely,” Caduceus said, looking down at Nott kindly.

Nott looked bewildered on Beau’s behalf and Beau looked down at her feet to hide the burning in her eyes. “What are you talking about? It was a sacrifice for her friend!”

“It would have been a sacrifice for her and for everyone else,” Jester said. Beau curled in tighter, trying to make herself so small that she could disappear. Jester’s eyes felt like coals against her skin and she felt Yasha move to sit on her other side. “Beau, you wouldn’t have just been making yourself miserable-”

“It was for me mostly though.”

“- we would have been… Beau, I’ve already lost one soulmate, I don’t know what I would do if I lost another.”

Beau felt like there were pins pricking her skin and she looked up with wide eyes on instinct. “What… Jes, you know?”

Jester frowned and looked insulted. “Of course I know! Oh my god, Beau, I’ve lived with you for like-” She paused and turned to Caleb with a pleasant expression. “How long has it been?”

“Ah, it will have been ten months in 2 days.”

“We’ve been living together for ten months in two days, do you think I’m just stupid or whatever?”

“I- No! No, of course not! I just… How? Did you see…” She cut herself off and reached up to touch her collar bone through her shirt.

Jester sighed and followed the movement of her hand with her eyes. “Oh Beau. I can feel it. I didn’t need to see your Mark to know. Also, I’m super pissed that I’ve never seen your Mark by the way!”

“Why…” Beau gulped, suddenly feeling like her throat was being squeezed by something. “Why didn’t you say anything.”

Now Jester looked ashamed. She shrugged and twisted her fingers nervously. “Well I thought… I figured… Well, at the beginning I thought that maybe you didn’t say anything because you didn’t… want me. But-” She hurried to continue when Beau opened her mouth. “But I know that that’s not it anymore, I know that now. You were just… scared. And I get it, you know? So we can take it super slow if that’s what you want but just… Please don’t leave us. Please, Beau.”

Beau just stared into Jester’s eyes, feeling like she was drowning in a sea of purple and she jumped when she felt Yasha’s hand rest gently on the back of her neck. “I can’t-” She shook her head. “I can’t breathe.” She threw herself out of the dome, having enough presence of mind to avoid splashing the water and vanished into the darkness beyond their little camp.

Yasha moved to follow her but Fjord gave her a small smile and held out a hand. “I’ll talk to her,” he said, standing. “I think she just needs some perspective.” 

He stood and Caleb rushed to follow. “I will join you, if you do not mind.” Fjord just nodded and lead Caleb out of the dome towards where their friend had disappeared.

Yasha was roused from her sleep at the feeling of eyes on her face. She wiggled her nose in discomfort but forced her eyes open to look at Beau in the bed across the room. She was sitting up against the headboard, her knees brought up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them loosely as she picked at her fingernails.

She must have seen Yasha’s eyes open in the dark because she looked away instantly. Jester shifted slightly against Yasha’s back, burying her nose between Yasha’s shoulders blades, though she seemed to still be asleep.

“Beau,” she said, her quiet voice sounding loud in the dark. “Would you like to join us?”

Beau licked her lips and shook her head, then she paused and nodded. “I.. I would. But I won’t.”

Yasha nodded but watched Beau carefully. “Alright. You are welcome, of course, if you change your mind.”

“Am I?” Beau asked, sounding smaller than Yasha had ever heard her. “Ever after everything, even after-” She pressed a hand to the place where Yasha knew there was a Mark that matched her own. 

“Beau… I was scared too. When Jester told me what our Marks meant. I had a lot of questions. Did this mean… Was my love for Zuala real at all? Did this mean everything that we went through together was for nothing? That she was destined to die? Did I… Did I deserve it? Was I worthy of such care and… love? Even long after I accepted that Jester and I were Matched… I thought that the answer to the question was ‘no’. If, after everything that I have done and all the hurt that I have caused, I can be deserving of Jester’s love… I think it is without question that you are too.”

Beau shook her head. “But I destroyed the Mark, Yasha. What if I can’t… connect to you both the way you connect to each other? What if I would just be in the way?”

“Beau…” Jester mumbled, peeking tiredly around Yasha’s arm. “Oh, Beau, that’s not how it works.”

Beau pressed herself against the headboard like she was trying to put more distance between herself and Jester but there was nowhere for her to go. “Jes-”

“Don’t you know the story?” Jester sat up fully and leaned over Yasha’s body, the excitement in her eyes practically lighting up the entire room. “The story of how we got our Marks? Long, long ago, back even before the Calamity, there were soulmates. Destiny put them together because she saw that their love would make the world a better, more worthwhile place. But they had so much trouble finding each other and it made her so very sad because people were dying of old age without finding their Match at all! And so with each pairing she made, she gave them Marks so that they would know each other. See, see, the Marks are just symbols! It’s the Match that matters.” She climbed fully over Yasha’s body and hurried over to Beau’s bed, sitting with her feet dangling over the side. Beau still avoided her eyes but she let Jester take her hands in her own with no complaint. “Beau, you’re our Match. It’s not even because of the Mark at all, it’s because of who you are as a person.” She squeezed Beau’s hands and smiled at Yasha as she moved to join them both on Beau’s bed. “Beau… Can I see it?”

Beau sniffled and wiped her nose on her shoulder. “I… Alright.” She took one of her hands back from Jester and reached up to the collar of her shirt. She hesitated there for a moment, gently running her fingers on the cotton, before finally pulling it down enough that Jester and Yasha could see the burned, red mess that had once been a Mark to Match their own.

Jester reached up with the hand that was now free and touched it with her fingertips. “Oh, Beau. Don’t you feel that?” She did. It was like a hum beneath her skin, the urge to reach out and hold them both so close that they were basically a single person. Jester leaned forward then and gently pressed her lips against the scar, releasing Beau’s other hand so that she could wrap her arms around Beau’s waist and snuggle up against her chest. Yasha laid on the bed beside them, her back towards the window and gently ran her fingers up and down Jester’s back. Jester yawned. “Can we go to sleep now and we can make out a whole bunch in the morning?”

Beau let out a wet laugh, tasting tears on her lips, but nodded and closed her eyes. Yasha slipped an arm under her and threw the other one around Jester’s back, pulling them both into her chest and pressing her face against Beau’s shoulder.

Beau knew better than to say that everything was fixed. There was still a dark, heavy weight in her chest that told her this would all be a dream when she woke up in the morning. There was still a voice whispering in the back of her mind that told her that she didn’t deserve what she was feeling right now, that she would never deserve it. But there was also a calmness that she wasn’t used to. A serenity that gave her just enough confidence to tell that voice to fuck off. At least for tonight.


End file.
